Positive Birth Stories: Agency & Calm in Plan B by Rosa

I was born at home and had always heard positive birth stories growing up. I’d never questioned my desire to birth at home and had a strong belief in the power of the female body. 

The day before I went into labour my family and I had a delicious meal at Garden of Easton to celebrate my brother’s 30th. I also took some last pregnancy photos out in nature and did some yoga in the living room, using acupressure points to help my body prepare. I really feel that relaxing and enjoying those final days of pregnancy put me in a good space for birth. Nesting of course went up until the last minute! I’d ordered some new chairs for the dining room (I wanted somewhere comfy for the midwives to sit!) We put up some shelves in the bedroom, finished some deep cupboard sorting - I think it’s a kind of mental prep for the big unknown.

My early contractions began in the afternoon, soon after I’d finished writing a card to my baby, ending with the words, “ready when you are!” I’d planned to go on a gentle walk in the early phase but I’d had ongoing pain in my legs the last weeks and really wanted to sort some stuff in the attic (odd what feels a priority!) Then I did an online yoga class, still not 100% sure if it had begun, despite the regular trips to the bathroom with blood - which I knew was normal but after a few times felt slightly worried. 

After the class, we set the space - candles, music, essential oil burner. My mum was there and gave me a foot massage. I lay on my side on the sofa and practised the hypno breathing each time a surge rose and fell. They started to get more regular and I really got in the rhythm of drawing my breath like a rectangle with my fingers - shorter in breath, longer out breath. It got quite hypnotic. I thought I was smashing it, but these were just the early waves…

They got more intense and more regular. Soon it wasn’t comfortable to stay lying through surges, so I got on all fours and wiggled my hips through them, still lying down to rest in between. Around this point we called the midwives. Time shifted, it felt like they arrived quite quickly, but I was in a different zone by the time they did. I’d requested not to have vaginal exams unless there was a specific indication. They still offered and I declined. I’d also asked to have doppler tests every 30 mins rather than every 15 as I felt this would help my focus and calm. The first showed baby’s heart rate was on the higher end of normal. 

The contractions got more intense, like electric jolts coursing through my body. My sounds got wilder and made me laugh. The image of waves helped but these were not gentle waves! Still, the rhythm of them coming and going made it manageable. It was only ever a short time to stay focused and breathe through them. My contractions never actually got to 60 seconds, staying somewhere between 30 to 45, at least from where I was feeling the intensity. The midwives thought I was probably still quite early on. From their perspective I was managing well, from mine I was handling fire! It was intense - sometimes painful, sometimes just all consuming. And even though the intensity rose, so did my ability to meet it. The rhythm was kind of meditative, albeit electric. As they weren’t sure if they were needed, we agreed to a vaginal exam. And by this point, I also wanted to know how I was “progressing” even though I didn’t see it as a linear thing. The midwife agreed to do it with me standing, leaning over the bath. It was a bit harder for her but I didn’t want a contraction laying on my back. It was still uncomfortable but quite quick. Turned out I was 9cm…I’d gotten in and out of the bath by this point (the warmth was helpful but the lack of space made it hard to move through surges!) on all fours, breathing through surges but had totally forgotten what second stage breathing should be! A membrane sac dropped and there was some meconium and baby’s heart was still raised.

At this point, it started to feel as if things were going off plan, while simultaneously feeling excitingly close to meeting my baby. We discussed calling an ambulance as back up but with the aim to still deliver at home. Around 2 or 3am (not that I had much concept of time!), after a lot of pushing and different positioning, we agreed to take the ambulance to hospital.

It all felt surprisingly calm and unpressured. I could feel something was a bit stuck and felt ready to go in. Gas and air was offered as I got on the stretcher and asked to lay on my side. I took it but actually found it less helpful than breath and movement. The ambulance transfer was the most challenging part of the whole experience because I couldn’t move how I wanted to (and there are some very bumpy roads near our house!. But the midwife was there to hold my hand and I felt so cared for.

Arriving at hospital I was so deep in it that I didn’t care too much where I was! I’d brought a smooth crystal to hold, soon my partner and mum were back with me, my playlist was going, and new midwives were encouraging me with loving words. I asked what the plan was and they said we were waiting for baby to arrive. 

The obstetrician came in and out a few times. I’d been pushing for over two hours and baby’s heart rate was still high. Another uncomfortable vaginal exam and we agreed to go into theatre for a forceps delivery. The obstetrician ran through some possible scenarios and I was glad I’d heard they do this and stayed with the thought that it would all work out. 

I’d been so worried ahead about having my choices respected as they weren’t all the most standard ones but the team were great. The obstetrician had really kind eyes and really listened to what I wanted. In these kinds of scenarios, you’re not with someone who has read through your birth plan, so I was grateful to my mum for sharing some of my choices like oral vitamin D. I wasn’t in the head space to communicate any of this myself.

In theatre, the lights were bright and contractions on my back were very uncomfortable. But I knew soon I was going to stop feeling them. Little things I’d thought through ahead helped me feel a sense of agency, like requesting the IV drip on my left arm. I also asked if I could have an eye mask to help with the bright lighting and they made me one from a face mask with tissue paper - it helped me go to my inner calm space. 

The anaesthetic began to kick in and the way they guided it - asking me to try to move my legs and them getting heavier - it felt like going into a savasana. My partner was holding one hand, a junior doctor another. They were both saying kind things to me and I felt so safe.

I was guided through when to push as I could no longer feel the surges. My partner told me afterwards that it was on the third push that baby came out. The first cries felt overwhelming - a sense of relief, anticipation, and just being moved by the whole process of birthing life.

“It’s a girl!” My partner announced and I burst into tears, still with my eye mask on. I asked him to do skin to skin - I needed a moment to gather and wanted the doctors to finish stitching me up before being ready to hold her.

It was such a high, stroking her head, resting her on my chest., seeing her softly blink her eyes just part way open as she arrived. And with her, part of me arrived too.

I’d spent so much time visualising how I wanted my birth to look and planning all the details. In the end, it looked quite different, but it felt like everything I’d hoped for - wild, beautiful, opening, peaceful, loving, and with my choices respected.