Who do you think you are? Exploring how your beliefs about yourself shape the way you approach birth preparation.
Often, when expectant mamas tell me that they fear birth, what they really mean is that they doubt or don’t believe they are strong or resilient enough to birth without medical interventions.
For me, this is a really important topic to address during pregnancy. A medicalised birth pathway can be incredibly empowering when it is guided by informed decision-making, confidence, and a strong sense of agency and autonomy.
What can lead to a more challenging experience - or potentially increase the risk of birth trauma - is when someone feels that they don’t have “what it takes” to birth on their own terms, and begins to follow a pathway of interventions without feeling informed, supported, or confident in their choices.
For some, it’s purely a question of pain tolerance. For others, it’s a deeper lack of belief in their body and mind’s ability to birth.
And so much of this lies in the stories we tell ourselves, and the stories we have heard from others, which over time have shaped our belief systems.
One important part of birth preparation is making space for these beliefs to be explored, reflected upon, and gently challenged where needed.
An invitation to reflect: Who am I?
Here is an opportunity to answer this question in the context of preparing for birth, and to explore the aspects of your personality and self-perception that may influence your experience and birth choices.
1. Who am I?
How would you describe yourself when faced with challenges, uncertainty or difficult situations?
What do you believe about your own strength, resilience and ability to cope?
Complete some of these sentences:
I believe I am…
When faced with something challenging, I tend to…
When I feel overwhelmed, I usually…
When I think about birth, I see myself as…
I believe my strengths are…
For example:
I am strong, and I trust my inner wisdom and resilience to carry me through the process.
I am easily overwhelmed, and I worry that I won't be able to cope.
I tend to doubt myself and look to others for reassurance.
I am adaptable, and I trust myself to navigate the unexpected.
2. Where do these beliefs come from?
Our beliefs rarely develop in isolation. They are often shaped by past experiences, our upbringing, the people around us, and the stories we have heard.
Reflect on the following:
Can I remember when I first started seeing myself this way?
Have past experiences reinforced this belief?
Have I absorbed messages from family, friends or society about my ability to cope, my body, or birth?
What have I heard about birth that may have influenced how I see myself?
Is this belief based on my own experiences, or on assumptions and expectations?
You may begin to recognise that some of the stories you carry are not necessarily your own.
3. Is this a fact about who I am, or a belief I have developed?
Sometimes, the way we describe ourselves can feel so familiar that we begin to see it as an unquestionable truth.
But there is a difference between being something and believing that you are something.
For example, saying "I am weak" is an identity statement, whereas saying "I am afraid that I won't be able to cope" is an expression of fear.
Explore your belief a little further:
Is this belief a fact, or is it a perception of myself?
Does this belief reflect who I am today, or might it be rooted in a past experience?
Would I describe someone I love in the same way?
Could there be another way of interpreting this part of myself?
You don't need to dismiss your fears or convince yourself that they are unfounded. Simply allow yourself to consider that there may be more to your story.
4. What evidence do I have of my strength and resilience?
Take a moment to reflect on the strengths you have already demonstrated in your life.
Think about times when you have navigated something difficult, experienced uncertainty, or found yourself in a situation you initially thought you couldn't manage.
What challenges have I overcome in the past?
What qualities helped me through those experiences?
When have I surprised myself with my ability to cope?
What does resilience look like in my life?
What strengths could I draw upon during birth?
Perhaps you have demonstrated patience, adaptability, courage, determination, or the ability to ask for help.
These experiences are part of your story, too.
5. How would I like to feel now?
Having explored your existing beliefs, take a moment to consider how you would like to see yourself as you approach birth.
How would you like to feel?
What qualities would you like to nurture?
What would a more compassionate and supportive narrative about yourself sound like?
For example:
Instead of "I am not strong enough to birth", perhaps: "I may not know how I will experience birth, but I have strengths I can draw upon."
Instead of "I cannot cope with pain", perhaps: "I can explore different ways of managing pain and seek support when I need it."
Instead of "I need someone else to tell me what to do", perhaps: "I can seek guidance while remaining an active participant in my decisions."
Instead of "I am afraid of the unexpected", perhaps: "I can prepare for different possibilities and trust that I can ask for help."
Now, complete these sentences:
A belief I would like to gently shift is…
A more compassionate and supportive belief I would like to nurture is…
Choose a statement that feels realistic and meaningful to you. It doesn't need to feel completely true yet.
6. What could help create this shift?
Beliefs are not necessarily changed through reflection alone. Sometimes, we need new experiences, support, information, or opportunities to practise a different way of thinking.
Consider what could help you strengthen your self-belief and self-trust during pregnancy.
What information could help me feel more informed and confident about birth?
What kind of support would help me feel safe, respected and empowered?
Are there people in my life who reinforce my self-belief? Are there others whose influence I may need to reconsider?
What could I practise during pregnancy to help me feel more prepared?
Would working with a birth preparation coach or another supportive professional help me explore or reframe these beliefs more deeply?
Perhaps it could be:
Better support: Being surrounded by people who believe in your capacity to grow, who hold space for your fears, and who help you feel safe and supported.
More information: Developing a better understanding of the physiology and mechanics of birth, so that you can prepare and make choices based on knowledge rather than assumptions or preconceptions.
Personalised birth preparation: Working with a birth preparation coach to explore limiting beliefs, develop confidence, and reconnect with your inner strength and resilience.
A different relationship with yourself: Learning to recognise your strengths, acknowledge past experiences, and approach birth with greater self-compassion and trust.
7. Bringing it into your birth preparation
Finally, consider how this reflection could influence the way you prepare for birth.
What is one small step I could take to nurture this new belief?
What would help me feel more confident in making informed decisions?
How can I create an environment in which I feel supported and respected?
What would self-trust look like for me during birth?
You may also wish to revisit this exercise throughout pregnancy and notice whether your beliefs, feelings, or perceptions of yourself begin to evolve.
Remember, self-trust doesn't mean believing that you can do everything on your own. It can also mean knowing when to ask for help, when to lean on others, and when to make a different choice.
There are no right or wrong answers here.
It's okay to recognise that you carry limiting beliefs and feel that you are not yet in a place to change them. It's okay to acknowledge that some of your birth choices may be influenced by these beliefs.
The intention is not to judge yourself or to feel that you need to become a different person before giving birth. It's about creating space to understand yourself a little better, so that you can approach birth with greater awareness, confidence, and compassion for yourself - whatever your birth journey may look like.
If this reflection has brought up questions, feelings or beliefs you'd like to explore further, you don't have to navigate that process alone.
My birth preparation course offers a space to deepen your understanding of birth, build confidence in your body's ability to birth, and develop the knowledge and tools to make informed decisions along the way.
And if you'd like more personalised support to explore your beliefs, work through fears or build a stronger sense of self-trust as you approach birth, I also offer 1:1 birth preparation coaching.
I'd love to support you in finding your own way towards birth with greater confidence, awareness and trust in yourself.
